Paradoxical Love

I sit here in silence, with my heart in my hands
And I look at it and wonder what caused it to shatter.
I wonder if it was the way you kissed me and made me forget about the world
Or the way your hands stroked every curve of my body even when I didn't want them to.
I wonder if it was the way you controlled me or broke me into pieces,
Or the way you pushed me and painted the walls red with my blood.

I remember how i would get scared of being late or of talking to other boys in your presence.
I remember how you'd punish me every time I let my mouth run wild.
And also how you'd confuse me by kissing every single bruise on my body
Every single bruise you were the cause of.

I remember whenever I'd push you away from me, your eyes would flash with hurt.
I remember how I'd come back to you every single time that happened.
I don't know if that was just an act or if you truly cared
But no matter what that was, my feelings for you were clear.
I hated how you hurt me both mentally and physically
But I loved you nevertheless.

Even when they dragged you away from me,
The only name my mouth could scream was yours.
Maybe loving you even when it was the most dangerous thing to do
Was what broke my fragile heart.

- Isha Sharma

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